Brotherhood crack
by SIZ
Summary: OLDDDD. A number of random Brotherhood oneshots - Not complete, no pairings.
1. Sunburnt

**I always thought my first X-men story would be about the good guys. But obviously I was wrong. I dunno when this is set, I just did it cause I was bored and wanted to write some crack. None of the characters belong to me. This was fun, maybe I'll do this is again.**

**This story was inspired off my stupid sunburnt knee, which before you ask I do not scratch with cutlery, but it's hella itchy anyway. Over my time of watching X-men, I haven't actually paid that much attention to the brothhood, but Pietro is one my fave characters, and Todd is my sisters, so I decided to base it off them, so if I made any mistakes feel free to correct me.**

**Sunburnt**

"Yuck, I'm all itchy." Pietro scratched his arms wildly as Lance looked on nonchalantly  
"Hey, that's what you get for not wearing sun cream."  
"What bad guys have you ever heard of wearing sun cream?" Pietro replied angrily, then continued scratching his sunburnt arms. "Yuck! It's peeling!" He yelled, trying to look at his shoulder awkwardly in the mirror. "And it's got white bumps all over it!" He got right up to the mirror, and started trying to poke them, closing one eye and struggling to inspect them closely.  
"Gross. Put a turtle neck on. I don't want your flakes all over the place."  
"A turtle neck? Are you crazy? It's the middle of summer! I'll boil!" Lance inspected a scab on his hand, looking up as Pietro continued to speed towards him, then back to the mirror. "Plus they're itchy! And stupid looking!"Lance looked up again slowly to interrupt his rant  
"And I should care, becauseee?" Pietro wasn't even paying attention anymore, he was too busy trying to reach areas on his back with a fork, whilst holding another mirror in his other hand.  
"You… are disgusting." Lance deadpanned, deciding to not watch anymore in case he thought too much about it. After all, in the entire building there were only 3 forks, so next time he picked up a fork to eat there would be a pretty good chance it would be the same one. Lance couldn't stand it anymore and chucked an old sports jersey at Pietro's head. "Just put it on." He grumbled.

Suddenly Todd kicked open the front door, Fred struggling to get in behind him  
"Yo, we're back." Todd dumped some bags on the table and proceeded to hop on it himself. Only to get accidentally buried under the massive load Fred was carrying, emerging dizzily with an ice lolly stuck to his face. Lance raised an eyebrow

"Back from where?" Fred grinned widely

"The food store!" Lance's eyebrow went even higher

"You went _grocery shopping_?" He finally got up from his chair, opening a few bags and inspecting the objects inside "My mistake, you went crap shopping."

"Well, who wants to eat vegetables?" Todd grabbed one of the bags "Besides, we got some great bargains! You can get tons of stuff for like, a quarter when it's past it's sell by date!" Lance looked at the pair irritably.

"Gee. I wonder why."

"I'm serious!" Todd pulled out a packet and held it up to Lance's face "we got this for a nickel!"

Lance grimaced, and pushed the greenish packet away.

"Great thinking, slime ball. You got relish and no salad?" Todd looked at him confused

"What are you talking about, dude? This is mayonnaise." He said, pointing to the label. Lance jerked back from it

"Is everyone set on making me puke today?" He mumbled, disgusted.

"Oi! Hey! Can one of you scratch my back?" Pietro sprinted round the kitchen, tugging on their sleeves and trying to drag one of them to the mirror. "I can't reach anymore!" He yelled, zooming back to the mirror to inspect his reflection and then back to the table to try and get one of them to do it.

"Pietro is pink." Fred said simply through a mouthful of potato chips.

"Yeahhh, he kinda looks like one of those naked rat things." Todd said, opening the green mayonnaise and scooping some into his mouth. Lance felt himself retch. He grabbed the jersey off the floor and chucked it in Pietro's face again.

"Put the freaking jersey on rat-boy." Lance grumbled, trying not to watch the content Todd eating. Pietro frowned, putting it on, and then tried to figure out how he could still scratch without anyone noticing. Finally Lance looked back at the kitchen table, just to see half a dozen empty crisp packets all over it, and Fred with a ton of crumbs on his face. "What's the point buying food round here? It always gets eaten within half an hour. Thanks to somebody." Directing evils at the large teenager. Pietro suddenly grabbed the jersey, ripping it off himself in a mad frenzy and jumping on the table, making Todd spill his disgusting snack on the floor.

"CAN SOMEONE **PLEASE** SCRATCH ME ALREADY?!"


	2. Air Conditioning Pt 1

**I don't own X-men, bla bla bla. There's actually no plot to this oneshot what so ever, I guess I just like typing arguments (:  
To Pietro-4-eva: Thanks! :D I hope that if you come across this collection again you'll like this one as well (: Thanks for reviewing! X3  
For readers of my KND fiction, I'm sorry it's taking me long to update, I'm finding it hard to find time at the moment to write long chapters… but if you're also an XME fan maybe you'll like this series as well (: And I think this'll be easier to update, as it's basically just a bunch of one shots (:**

**Air Conditioning**

"I-I-It's f-freaking f-f-freezing!"

"I think my slime has frozen, yo" Todd mumbled, trying to spit at a nearby glass, but failing miserably and getting it all over his chin instead.

"I know we asked for the air conditioner to be fixed but this is ridiculous." Lance said, breathing out a cloud in front of him

"It's cold." Fred grumbled

"No d-duh, fat face!" Pietro was now gripping the sports jersey to himself, shivering uncontrollably.

"No one calls Fred fat face!" Fred roared getting up from the squishy sofa, only for the other end to crash back down to the floor from the release of the heavy weight. Pietro jumped up from his spot now, angry as well.

"O-oh y-yeah?! Well I-I d-do!" He yelled back "W-what cha gonna do about it, huh? W-what cha gonna do?" He started sprinting round the room, making the Blob dizzy.

"I'm gonna punch ya'!" Fred bellowed jogging in turn to the various corners Pietro had rested in, but having no luck.

"Oh? A-and h-how are you gonna d-do that?" Pietro asked mockingly, trying to smirk despite his shivering.

"Can you two shut up already?" Lance shouted from the sofa, then turned back round to glare at the TV screen again, but ended up shouting some more. "Argg! It's died again!"

"Bummer." Todd mumbled, still concerned about his spit.

"Stupid TV!" Lance got up angrily and kicked it

"C-can't catch me! Can't c-catch me!" Pietro chanted as he sprinted around the dizzy Fred, then suddenly shrieked to a stop. "CAN'T CATCH ME!" He laughed insultingly, smacking Fred on the cheek and then resuming his sprinting, angering the large teenager even more. Fred then had a blast of intelligence and stuck his arm out in front of him, making the speeder accidentally smack into it and stop in his tracks. It was now Fred's turn to grin as he grabbed Pietro and lifted him off the ground, easy as pie. Pietro trying to kick himself free, then gulping as Fred got a revengeful expression on his face.

"I crush you" Fred grinned as Pietro struggled

"E-e-erm Fred! Buddy! Y-you know I was j-just k-kidding, right? Right?!" He questioned hopefully, but Fred kept the same expression, and raised his hand.

"Now my turn to smack your face" Fred grinned even more as Pietro 's eyes widened at him.

"No! N-no, not the face!" Pietro yelled, struggling to cover it up as Fred laughed

Todd was now watching over the sofa, finding the situation very entertaining

"Yeah Fred! Give him one for kicking my drink off the table this morning!" Pietro's head whipped round to give Todd an incredulous look then back to look pleadingly at Fred.

"B-but, Fred! Remember all the good times we've had!" Pietro said, struggling to pat Fred's shoulder tentatively. Fred's eyes narrowed

"What good times?" He growled, not convinced  
"Yeah! What good times?!" Todd yelled from his seat, joining in on the argument. Pietro shot another angry look at him and turned back to Fred.

"W-well, um… you know that t-time, when I e-err, gave y-you t-that money, f-for that c-candy bar?" Fred looked at him confused, as Todd hyped up again

"You didn't give him no money, yo! You told him to get lost and laughed in his face!"

"S-Shut up, Toad" Pietro grumbled lividly, then turned his head back to try and smile innocently at the unconvinced Fred

"You remember, Fred? You ended up grabbing his legs and _shaking_ the money out of him!" Todd snickered as Fred remembered

"Oh yeah! That equals…" Fred stopped for a minute as he tried to count them up, until Todd got bored of waiting

"Three." He prompted

"Three face punches!" Fred shouted, grinning again

"Will you lot shut up already?" Lance yelled "The TV is broken! Help me fix it!" He kicked it again, growling when it produced just more static.

"Who needs TV? We got plenty of entertainment right here, yo." Todd cackled, gesturing over to the argument. Lance just glowered at them and stamped his foot, causing an earthquake to travel across the room and break the two apart, Fred getting up angrily to try and catch Pietro again, and Pietro scrambling up from the floor and sprinting off to the kitchen to try and escape.

"Yo! I was watching that!" Lance just shot evils at Todd, adding another mini earthquake to make him fall over the side of the couch.

"The TV is broken, we have to go get another one. Stop fooling around and let's go!"

"W-why do we have to c-come? Yeep!" Pietro suddenly shrieked as Fred found him hiding under the kitchen table

"Cos we have no cash, we'll have to steal one, and having you lot around might make it easier. For once." He added, sneering "Besides, it might actually be warmer outside." He mumbled, looking at the sun outside

"He'll have to cover up, yo. He's still pink from the last time he went out." Todd reminded as he hopped back on the sofa, rubbing the shoulder he fell on. Lance looked at him annoyed.

"Well then he'll be even warmer then, won't he?" He argued back, and turned towards the kitchen door again, only to get knocked back on the couch as Pietro zoomed by

"I'm in!" He grabbed a coat and a scarf, wrapping his head up and shoving on a pair of gloves hurriedly as Fred stomped out the kitchen "I-I'm read already, l-let's g-go! Let's g-go!" Even after all the running he was still shivering

"I guess a little fun wouldn't hurt." Todd mused. Lance turned to Fred

"Howa bout' it, Blob? Up for a little crime?" Fred, being simple minded, instantly forgot about what he was doing

"Do I get to smash stuff?" Lance grinned

"Yep!" Fred smirked back

"Okay, I'm in!"

"Can we get a wide screen?" Todd intervened again as the group headed towards the front door

"We can if _you_ carry it." Lance answered sardonically

"Fine. No need to be sarcastic, as they say, yo."

"T-that wasn't s-sarcasm, idiot." Pietro said through his layers of scarf

"At least I wasn't crying about getting my face beaten up, yo!"

"Just shut-up already!"

**Looks like this might be a 2 part one shot, ooooh~  
**


End file.
